The Road To Who We Are
by ValoryAnnClark
Summary: The night after Gemmas wedding and the events that come after. My first fanfiction[GemmaXSimon] [GemmaXKartik] mostly [GemmaXKartik] Changed title because I didn't think it fit any more.
1. Mistakes

**Disclaimer: I am not Libba Bray no mater how much I wish I was and therefore I do not own the character only the plot of this little story.**

**A/N: This is my first published fan fiction and it most likely will be the worst thing you have ever read but I liked it and the people who have read it so far (AKA my friends who have never read the book but wanted 2 know what I was doing) liked it to. Please R&R. I hope you like it. Oh and my spelling is atrocious so if you see a typo please tell me and all fix it.**

**Simon seems a little OOC but I don't know. I just need something to do so I wouldn't get bored in school today. **

Mistake

I sit at me vanity brushing my hair like I do every night before bed, but tonight am different. Tonight I am no longer Gemma Doyle. I am Gemma Middleton now.

I haven't seen Kartik sense I when to his room at the pub. I miss him dearly, but life must go on.

I tern around. My hair falls over my shoulder like a waterfall. I wear only my camisole. I smile at the sight or Simon lying on our bed shirtless.

"You looked lovely at the wedding today." I say.

"Yes, of cores dear." He wasn't listening. Kartik would have been. My smile wavers slightly. I will it to stay. Be happy Gemma. You love Simon. Every one says so.

I get up and sit next to Simon in the bed. We are alone. There is no one in the house but us. They are giving us our privacy. He touches my hair and I close my eyes. Kartik's face is all I can see on the back of my eyelids. My expression must be sad. I fight against that.

Next thing I now I'm kissing Simon. With my eyes closed I am almost happy. He is melting into me and I am letting him come. I mown against will. "Kartik," I say without thinking.

Simon pulls away. "Who's Kartik?" The hurt is plain on his face is obvious. How could I have been so stupid? So careless! I couldn't be myself ever. I know that going into this. I had chosen this when I said no to Kartik. I've ruined everything and now I can't have Simon or Kartik.

There's a sharp tap at the window. Simon pushes me away. My head hits the headboard. What had come over Simon? It was not like him to hurt a lady.

"Who is throwing rocks at our window?" he asks as he walks to the window. "What is your old coachmen doing out side?"

Kartik! What is he doing here? I thought he was gone for good. He was no longer a member of Rakshana, so he didn't have to be my guardian any more. I told him that I needed him for only New Order business. _For now. . ._

Simon terns to look at me. He sees the faint glimmer of hope in my face at the mention of Kartik. I see a look in his eyes that I have never seen before. It scares me. I bolt for the door like a startled doe.

Simon runs after me. I get through the bedroom door without complications but stumble in on the rug at the bottom of the stairs. I recover myself quickly. Simon is close on my tail. When I reach the front door I fumble with the latch. Simon has cough up with me. He grabs me by the hair and pulls me back. Hard. He throws me to the ground and I scrape me forearms on the rug. It stings.

"IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME!?!" I crawl back wards trying to get away. I don't like this side of Simon. I don't like it one bit. He rushes at me pulling me up sharply. His hand holds my arm so tight it hurts.

"Explain!" he screams in my face. I whimper from the pain and try to pull away. He slaps me in the face. I scream. I have begun to cry. I pull way and run for the door again.

Kartik sit on a tree stump at the edge of the forest. He stands when he sees me. "Gemma!" he is smiling. He's face falls when he sees the state I'm in. "Gemma, what's wrong? Why are you crying and were are your clothes? You're only in a camisole!" I have reached him by now and I bury myself in his chest, crying all over him.

I glance back at Simon. He stands on the front step, a mixture of anger and disgust on his face. I turn my head backing to Kartik's chest. Kartik pushes me away slightly as to see me better.

"What did he do to you?" he sees the hand print on my left cheek. I turn my head trying to hide it. I can't talk about it, not yet. Not now. Another wave of sobs come over me Kartik wraps his arms around me, pressing me to his chest, comforting me as I cry.

"You can have her, the whore!" Simon yells from the porch. I hear a door slam. Simon will tell everyone. I am ruined. I have made so many dreadful mistakes.

**Well that's my story. I hope you like it, but I won't know unless you review. I would love it oh so much if you did review. I wrought this in band today and it was originally written in Simon's POV. I may write more but that all depends on what you think of this and if you want another chapter written at all. Till next time…**

**ValoryAnnClark**


	2. Confessions

**Disclaimer: I am not Libba Bray . . . . Or am I/:-.**

**I decided to write another chapter. I had noting to do today and I though it would be fun to write in Kartik's POV. He may be a little OOC, but that's just how I see him in my mined and my mind is a very twisted place. Also I put the last chapter in Kartik's POV at the beginning to remind you what happened in the story and because it was in my head and I wanted to write it down. It also explains some things to come. Like the fact that he didn't know Gemma was marred. Enough of me blabbing on, to the chapter.**

Confessions

I haven't seen Gemma sense she left my room two months ago. I have missed her dearly but done noting about it, not wanting to ruin her life more than I already have. After all, it was me who first told her off her place in the order and it was me who took her father to the opium den. I was too involved. Plus, we would never work. She is English and I am Indian. No matter were we go there would be prejudges. Despite my better judgment, however, I have I have decided to go see Gemma. I couldn't stay away any longer.

Outside the Gemma's house there is only one light on. I see her walk by the window. Perfect, she is still awake. Now, how will I get her attention? I find a pebble and trough it at the window. A figure that is most certainly not Gemma comes into view.

No, not him! Not that dreadful Middleton fellow! What was he doing in Gemma's room? He runs out of sight into the depths of the room.

I decide to sit at the edge of the forest while I wait for Gemma to come out side. I am concerned about what Middleton was doing in Gemma's room.

A few minutes later the door to the house opens. All my worries vanish at the sight of Gemma running from the house to meet me. "Gemma!" I say with a smile. My face falls. She is a wreck. Tears stream from her eyes and she is dressed in a most immodest way.

"Gemma, what's wrong? Why are you crying and were are your clothes? You're only in a camisole!" She runs into my chest crying. She terns her head slightly and look back at the porch.

I had been so overwhelmed by the sight of Gemma that I hadn't even notice Middleton panting on the front step. He looks angry and . . . is that disgust? I thought he loved Gemma. Why would he look at her that way? If I could look at her the way he could, I would only look at her with love and adoration no matter what she did.

I push Gemma away slightly, so I can get a better look at her. She has a hand-print on her left cheek. "What did he do to you?" She turns slightly trying to hide the mark he has left on her perfect face but still keeping eye contact. She begins to sob harder. I rap my arms around her and pull her close, trying to soother her.

"You can have her, the whore!" Middleton turns and walks into the house slamming the door behind him. He should not talk about Gemma that way! Gemma is and amazing women and deserves everything. Everything is something that I could never give her.

We stand like that till she calms down enough to speak. She looks up at me. "Get me out of here, please." The look on her face breaks my heart. Her face should never hold that pain.

"As you wish" and I lift her into my arms and carry her to the only place I can take her, my camp site.

XOX

My camp is small, just a tent and a place for the fire. Easily setup and easily moved.

Gemma had fallen asleep on the way. Her head rests on my shoulder and her breath is calm and steady. I step into the tent and lay her on my blanket. I fold the blanket over her, so she will stay worm. I sleep arouse the tent from her, not wanting her to wake up and think she had done something she should not have.

I wake up to the sound of my name. Gemma has woken up and is raped in the blanket. She is the picture of loveliness.

I sit up and put my full attention on her. "Good morning Gemma. How did you sleep?" It seems a strange thing to say but it is the best I can come up with.

She laughs. It's a sad laugh. Oh how I wish she never had to be sad again.

"I slept well thank you. What about you? You're the one that was forced to sleep without a blanket. I don't want to put you out."

"You are doing no such thing. I'm fine, use to it. Happy to be of service. You're welcome anytime, even though it was I who showed up out of no were, getting you in trouble."

She laughs again. She looks like she my get sick. She leans forward and puts her head in her lap then coming up with her face in her hands. It is then that I notice something I had missed before. A gold band with a rather large diamond rests on the ring finger of her left hand. She is married now.

She lets her hands drop back into her lap. "Yes well, I'm glad you're here. You come at just the right moment. I have missed you. How have you been, what have you been up to?"

"Well, I have been hiding from the Rakshana, but I think were both safe from them now. I missed you as well."

She smiles at this. What a beautiful smile and she has. How did I ever live without it for two months!

"You must have been busy. What have you been up to?"

The smile vanishes and is replaced by a look of remorse. She looks down at her hands in her hands. A single tear roles down her cheek. A bruise has formed were Simon slapped her last night.

"I'm ruined Kartik. I have made a horrible mess of everything." She says all this so to her hands. She slides of the ring and throes it to the mouth of the tent. She looks up at me. "I have so much to tell you."

XOX

She told me everything. How Simon had given her everything imaginable. He had asked her to every opera, play, and ball in London. Her family and all her friends had pushed them together and eventually she stopped trying to fight them. She went along with everything and said yes when Simon asked her to merry him. Everyone who matters was at the wedding. And then she told me what happened on the wedding night. That was the hardest to listen to.

"We began to . . . well you know, and . . . I don't know what I was thinking."

"Gemma, why did he hit you?" She looks down at her hands again. When she looks up tears are running down her face again.

"Because, I didn't love him. I . . ."

"You what?"

"I said your name and not his. I didn't mean to but . . . it was somewhat involuntary."

"Gemma you're not making any sense! What does that mean?"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is . . . this is so hard. Kartik, I think I love you.

**Well that's were I'm going to end this chapter. I know it's a cliff hanger but if I put the rest of what I wrote in here it would be to long. Oh, and if you didn't catch it, I used the hole "As you wish" thing from Princess Bride (don't own that ether just used it). I have the next chapter written already and all get started on putting that in as soon as I can but I won't post it it'll I get 5 more reviews. I know that's kind of harsh but I have the power and I'm going to use it. Hope you liked this chapter. I think I did a better job of editing but it really hard to edit your own work and editing is not my strongest skill. Oh, and if you were wondering the really weird smiley at the top (/:- .) of the page is support to be Zoolander doing magnum. Random I know but I just watched that movie and I thought it was funny. Till I get 5 more reviews . . . **

**ValoryAnnClark**


	3. Planning

**Disclaimer: Who me?? No, I'm not Libba Bray. You're thinking of someone else. **

**Hello my faithful readers. I did so love all you review. They were all so nice and made me fell like a celebrity! Also if you don't have a fanfiction account you can still leave a review and I would like it if you did, but I would like you to leave an e-mail address so I can replay to your review. I loved that you all wanted more. You may have noted that I changed the name of the story. I didn't think it really fit anymore. I'm sorry it took so long for and update but I have been really busy with school and a friend of mine wanted to edit this but never did. Well, anyway guess what! Here it is the next chapter!**

**Planning**

"_I guess what I'm trying to say is . . . this is so hard. Kartik, I think I love you."_

I scoot over to her on my knees and wrap my arms around her kissing her on the top of the head. "I think I love you too. This will all work out, will find a way."

"How Kartik? I'm married! Simon will never let me go! You saw what he did to me last night and that was just for going to see you when he didn't even know who you were! He would kill me rather than let anyone else have me!"

"Will find a way. There is always a way. I think I may know someone who can help you get a divorcees and we can run away to India together."

Gemma leans into me and wraps her arms around my waste and holds on tight. "That will work, but look at me! I can't travel in this! I'm not warring anything! I have to get some clothes and we don't have any money!"

She looks up at me. The worry is plain on her face. I lean down and kiss her on the noise. She smiles but still looks nervous.

"We will figure to out, but not just now. I don't know about you, but I'm a bit sleepy. I would every much like to take a nap."

"Then we shall take a nap" she says with at smile. I make to go to the other side of the tent but she grabs my arm and pulls me back down so I am sitting next to her again.

"Were do you think your going? You're going to sleep write here, next to me." This makes me smile wider than I have in a long time. I like this stronger, more forceful side of Gemma. She pulls me down so I am lying next to her. She throes half the blanket over me and puts my hand on her hip.

"Are you sure?" she smiles and nods, pulling me closer. She kisses me passionately on the mouth. I kiss her back. She pulls my hand farther around her back then brings her hand up intertwining her fingers into my hair. We kiss for several minutes, but do nothing more, for we both know it is not the time for such things.

We brake apart and just lay there looking at each other. Eventually we fall into the blackness of sleep.

XOX

I am the first to awaken. I find that I am very hungry and I suppose Gemma will be too when she wakes up.

I get up and carefully, not wanting to disturb Gemma. Step out of the tent and I begin a fire. I have a small amount of meat that looks rather appealing at the moment. Once the fire calms a bit, I lay a thin stone in the middle and please the meat on top.

"Kartik! Kartik, where are you?" Gemma's voice comes from the tent. She sounds worried. I step into the tent.

"I'm right here, don't fret. I'm just making breakfast. Hungry?" She Blushes at her moment of weakness. She nods and I smile. She fallows me out of the tent and sits by the fire.

"Smell's good. I'm simply famished." She smiles.

I find two flat rocks we can use as plaits. We've no cutlery, so we will have to make do with our hands.

I hand her a rock and sit down next to her. We eat in silence. She puts her rock down and looks at her knees "I have to go back you the house."

My head shoots up and I stair at her open mouthed. She looks up from my lack of speech. Her face has a determined, look but still has a hint of nerves. "What! I have to! Everything I own is in there! I can't go anywhere in this and I can get us money if I go." She looks down at her knees again. Taking quietly to them she says, "and I thing I should confront Simon."

That makes me mad. "Gemma, no! You are NOT going to see Simon again. I love you and I will not let you risk getting hurt again!"

This makes Gemma mad. "I have to! I have no clothes! If I don't go, I won't have clothe or money and we are stuck here till Simon comes looking. He will kill us both! He's not stupid! He'll know that I can't go anywhere and he will know that you won't go anywhere without me! Plus I'm a big girl and can take care of myself, thank you very much. I know I can handle talking to Simon about this."

"But he won't be interested in talking!" This conversation is not going well for me. I'm beginning to get the feeling that she shall win. "You are not going and that is final. I will go and get the close and money wail you what here."

A stubborn look comes onto her face. She stands up, puts her hands on her hips and glares down at me. "You listen to me Mr. Kartik Bossy Pants. I'm going! You don't want me to talk to Simon? Fine! I'll write him a letter and leave it in the house for him to find. I'll go when he is out and no one is home. As for you going, that's not happening either because I know were everything is and I can get it faster."

She has made a lot of good points but I still don't like the idea of her in that house alone. "No, I'm not letting go. We will buy you new clothes." She smiles

"Now you're just being stubborn. We have nothing to buy in with. Now I have won and you have no arguments. Simon liked to go to his club around now. I think we should go now." She comes and sits on my lap with her lags raped around my waste. She kisses me on the nose and smiles wider.

I frown and glare down at her "you are the most annoying, self obsessed, pushy girl I have ever met!" She kisses me just below the ear and then whispers "I lover you too."

I grumble my frustration but nuzzle my head into the side of her neck and pull her close. I lean back wards pulling her down with me. She shrieks with delight but wiggles away from me.

"Where do you keep you paper and pen? I know you have them because you like to leave me those little notes on my pillow all the time."

"Tease" I grumble but I get up and walk into the tent. I grab my knapsack and come back out quickly.

Gemma is sitting like an excited puppy waiting for me. When I pull out the pen and paper, she takes it from me quickly and begins scribbling away in her elegant script.

I role my eyes, gabbing my knapsack, I go over to the ten and begin to take it down.

Gemma looks up at me. "What are you doing? Why are you taking the tent down?"

"I'm taking it down because ones you get out of that house, we are leaving. I don't want you to be around when Simon finds that letter." I taking everything out of my knapsack lay it on the tent and start rolling it up.

"You are to over protective. Now what did you take everything out of your knapsack? That makes no sense at all." She has finished with her letter and folds it up.

"Yes, it does. You need something to put you things in when you go to the house." I finish with the tent and sit down with Gemma. "I don't like this."

"I know, but I have to do it."

I take a deep breath. "Okay, let's get this over with."

We get up and start to walk back to house. I carry the tent. Gemma carries the empty knapsack in one hand and the letter in the other.

When we reach the edge of the forest, we stop and I look down at her. "You have twenty minutes if you are not out by then I am coming in to get you. Do you understand?"

She smiles. "Don't worry. I'll be okay." She stands on her tip toes and kisses me on the cheek. I smile a small smile but I am sure that all my nervousness shows.

"Okay, go on." She squares her shoulders and walks off to wards the house. I have no idea what I will do if she gets hurt. She is my life and if I lose her I lose myself. I settle in for the wait and try on to worry.

**Okay, so I don't know what to think about this chapter. The story took a really big change form its original path in the last chapter and I don't really like the way I wrote Kartik reaction to Gemma telling him that she loves him. I have this really vivid image of the story in my mind and that part really didn't come out the way I saw it. I don't know what you will think of it because I'm not you and you don't see what's in your brain, so you may get a totally different vibe then what I was going for. I don't know. I'm going to let you get to the review, witch I really hope you leave because I would like to know what you think. **

**Hope I can get over the whole really long authors note thing and just shut up so you can move on with you lives.**

**ValoryAnnClark****__**


	4. Running

**Felt like typing so I decided to do this. Here's chapter four. It's the last, and then there will be an epilogue. **

Running

_I square my shoulders and walk off to wards the house._

I shut the door softly behind me not wanting Simon to hear. All is silent in the house and it seams that Simon is out, but I can never be too careful. I make my way through the hall and up the stairs to the bedroom.

The first place I go is my vanity. I put all the things that I will need and all the things that I can sell in Kartik's knapsack. I go to the wardrobe next. I grab a corset, a few dresses and nightgowns, and the money I keep in a box at the back and add them to the sack. I pull one of my nightgowns over my head and turn to leave.

Simon stands in the doorway, looking as though he is about to kill me. I'm scared but I stand my ground. Come on Gemma, you can do this.

"Hello Simon. You look well. As much as I would love to stay and chat, I really must be going. Things to do, people to see you know. I've explained it all in this letter." I throw the letter to the ground. It skids to a stop just in front of Simon's feet. "Well, I'll just be on my way. Hope you have a pleasant day."

Simon is blocking the door and the only other way out is the window. We are on the second floor but there's some thick ivy on the wall, and it will be easy enough to get down with my bare feet. I throw Kartik's knapsack out the window and try to get out as well without Simon grabbing me. Simon is too quick for me. He rushes at me. I dodge him and run for the door. An overwhelming sense of déjà vu washes over me as I run down the hall.

Simon yells from close behind me, "You're not getting away this time!" I have reached the staircase and go careening down it. I trip when I reach the bottom and let out a wince of pain. I have sprained my ankle.

Simon slows to a walk, a wicked, twisted smile on his face. He is going to make me regret leaving.

The front door opens and Kartik comes running in. "Get away from her!" Simon looks but in surprise and glares at Kartik.

"YOU! You're the reason she doesn't love me!" He rushes at Kartik.

"NO!" I scream but Simon doesn't stop. Kartik runs at Simon as well. They meet halfway down the entranceway. Simon swings at Kartik but Kartik dodges it, and sends a right hook sailing for Simon's jaw. Wham! Simon falls to the ground, unconscious.

I struggle to get up. My ankle throbs horribly. Kartik walks over and lifts me into his arms.

"Are you alright?"

I nod and smile up at him. "I sprained my ankle but other than that I'm perfect. How did you know that I needed help?"

He smiles. His smile is the most beautiful think I have ever seen. "I saw you throw the knapsack out the window. You can never be too careful. Let's get you out of here." And we walk out of the house with out looking back.

**Well that's the end. Then role credits. Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you all liked it. Sorry this chapter was so short. There will be an epilogue but I'll wait until I get some more review to add that. Reviews are my favorite things in the whole world right now and I love it when people review every chapter! Love it? Hate it? Till next time…**

**ValoryAnnClark**


	5. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: OMG I'm not Libba Bray! I thought I was! That's a drag. Oh well. Guess I can live with just being me.**

**I love you all for your reviews! Enjoy the happy ending.**

Epilogue

"You have to pull tighter! I'm never going to be able to fit in any of my dresses if you don't"

I stand with my hands against the wall wile Kartik attempts to tighten my corset.

"I don't want to hurt you! Why do you women ware theses incessant things any way! They cause you pain and men prefer you without them!"

I smile. It has been two weeks sense I left Simon. The divorce had gone smoothly with only a few complaints from Simon. We had to stay in England until it was over, but, now that it was, we were off to India.

"We do to help hide who we really are. I'll ware a sari when I get to India. I'm tired of hiding. Now pull!" He sighs and snitches up the laces a little tighter, just enough for me to get into my dress. I turn around and kiss him. I throw a dress over my head and tie it in the back. I grab my suitcase. Kartik has his knapsack over his shoulder. We meet at the doorway and clasp hands. We are off for a new life in India.

**That's it. I'm kind of sad that it's over but I really think this is a good way to end it. I'm going to write more fan fictions if any other ideas come to mind so keep an eye out for me if you like this. Thanks for reading…**

**ValoryAnnClark**


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